I wrote earlier that parents are literally
their children’s creators. This is a position of
intrinsic honor. Therefore, scripture commands children to honor their parents
even when they steward their roles imperfectly.
Honoring parents is so important
to God that it is the first of the Ten Commandments He gave for how human
beings relate to one another (Exodus 20:12). Further, He connected it to
personal and national lifespan and blessing (Deuteronomy 5:16). It is not even
a slight exaggeration to say that the survival of a nation depends on
Christians’ willingness to honor their parents since Christians are a nation’s
spiritual gatekeepers.
Correspondingly,
Romans 1 lists disobedience to parents as one of the signs that signal the
final breakdown of a civilization given “over to a depraved mind” and
against which “the wrath of God is revealed.” Likewise, 2 Timothy 3:2 lists disobedience
to parents as one of the primary sins of the last days that contributes to the times
being so difficult. Finally, Malachi 4:6 says
the breakdown of relationships between fathers and children brings a curse on
the land.
Movies and television
today encourage children to rebel against their parents. They instill the
mindset that parents are stupid, their boundaries are oppressive, and their
counsel is worthless. A large portion of the upcoming generation has been
indoctrinated with this reasoning. Because parents represent God’s authority,
this also teaches children rebellion toward God. It is no wonder the Bible
lists phrases like “ungrateful”, “without understanding”, and “haters
of God” alongside “disobedient to parents” (2 Timothy 3).
The command to honor
parents is so important that New Testament writers directly quoted it six times
(Matthew 15:4, 19:19, Mark 7:10, 10:19, Luke 18:20, Ephesians 5:2), more than
any other commandment. One practical way to honor parents the Bible delineates
is in the area of financial provision. Jesus harshly rebuked the Pharisees for
promulgating a tradition of prioritizing offerings over helping one’s parents
(Mathew 15:3-6). Likewise, Paul stated that anyone who does not provide for his
own household (the context specifically highlights elderly widows) has denied
the faith (1 Timothy 5:8). Other ways to honor parents include asking their
advice, including them in our lives, thanking them for what they did well in
raising us (either verbally or through writing), and forgiving them in our own
hearts for where they fell short.
It is not an exaggeration to say that an older person knows
more than a younger person can possibly imagine. This is because in life there
is no replacement for firsthand experience. A child cannot possibly understand
everything an adult knows. A single person cannot understand everything a
married person knows. A childless person cannot understand everything a parent
knows. An entry-level professional cannot understand everything an accomplished
retiree in the same field knows. Someone who has never experienced a severe
illness, divorce, the death of a loved one, or the estrangement of a child
cannot understand everything that is known by someone who has.
Therefore, a practical way to honor parents is to ask
them what they’ve learned. They have been there before. They have learned by
trial and error. They have made mistakes and they have had successes. They may have
wisdom we never thought of. They may see pitfalls we never considered. We don’t
have to agree with all their perspectives or share all their beliefs, but they
still have valuable insight to impart simply by virtue of experience.
A Dream
Once I went through a painful disagreement with
my parents. Afterward, I felt very critical of them for not understanding me or
the situation we disagreed about. I struggled with anger and criticism every
day for months.
Then one night I had a
dream. In the dream, I became sick and was about to die a premature death. The
Lord put me on a stretcher and loaded me into the back of an ambulance to take
me to heaven. I was filled with peace and joy. I couldn’t wait to arrive.
Knowing my thoughts, the
Lord acknowledged my excitement, but then gave a word of warning about what I
would experience when I stood before His Judgment Seat, saying, “However,
you will be judged for the grief you caused your parents.” When He
said this, I suddenly felt immense grief. I realized I was about to experience
the pain I had caused them and deeply regret some of my choices. Then I woke up.
As I processed the dream
with the Lord, I felt Him show me that even though they had been partly
mistaken about the situation, they had also been right about some things. I
also felt Him show me that our disagreement had been more painful for them than
it was for me. This is because the love they felt for me was greater than I
could imagine since I did not have children at that time. Even though they did
not interpret the situation completely accurately, they were pure in their
motives.
This experience helped me
overcome my struggle with criticism. Also,
dreaming about dying prematurely was a sobering reminder of the connection in
the Bible between honoring parents and living a long life.
Biblical Examples of Needing the Father’s Blessing
There are many, many examples in scripture
of men and women needing the blessing, covering, or provision of their parents
(both biological and spiritual) in order to fulfill their calling. Here are a few:
·
In
Genesis 26, Isaac needed to unstop the wells of his father Abraham before he
could be established and fruitful in the land God had given him. The wells in
this passage symbolized spiritual wells or living water.
Unstopping them symbolized Isaac recovering the spiritual legacy Abraham had
passed down to him.
·
In
Genesis 27, even though Jacob lied about his identity, God still anointed Isaac
to bestow a prophetic blessing on his son’s life, thus honoring his role as
Jacob’s father. Jacob, in turn, blessed each of the sons of Joseph before he
passed away (Hebrews 11:21).
·
Moses
was possibly spared from premature burnout because he listened to his father-in-law
Jethro’s counsel in Exodus 18.
·
Ruth
fulfilled her destiny in God by honoring her mother-in-law Naomi and remaining
by her side through a bleak and desperate season.
·
Solomon’s
wisdom and the greatness of Israel under his rule were all built upon the
foundation that David laid for him.
·
Elisha
walked in a powerful anointing only because he received a double portion of his
spiritual father Elijah’s mantle.
·
God
equipped John the Baptist for his calling by entrusting him into the hands of
righteous Zacharias and Elizabeth.
·
Jesus
was prepared for His destiny through Mary and Joseph’s stewardship of Him. God
also honored Mary’s role in Jesus’ life by essentially letting her determine
the timing and setting of the beginning of His supernatural ministry (John 2).
A Warning from Noah’s Life
Genesis chapter 9 contains an example of how serious
the issue of honoring our parents is.
Noah’s sons heard him preach righteousness and
prophesy judgment for many decades and then they saw the prophecy fulfilled.
They knew he was God’s chosen man to repopulate the earth. Their father was not
perfect, but they knew God’s favor was with him and he deserved their honor.
Sometime after the flood subsided, Noah planted a
vineyard, made some wine, became drunk, and fell asleep naked. Aware of what
his father had done, Ham looked upon his father’s nakedness, and then told his
two brothers, Shem and Japheth. By contrast, Shem and Japheth refused to look
on their father’s nakedness, but walked into his tent backward and covered him
with a garment. These were all symbolic actions. In his heart, Ham wanted to
expose and accuse his father’s failure, while Shem and Japheth sought to honor
Noah by covering over his sin.
When Noah awoke, he declared a prophetic blessing over
Shem and Japheth and a curse upon Ham’s son Canaan, who went on to father one
of the wickedest civilizations of the ancient world. Ham dishonoring his father
echoed through his family line for generations to come. The same principle can
affect our lives and family lines. How we respond to our parents’
mistakes can impact the extent to which both we and our descendants are either
cursed or blessed.
Next
Sometimes we must honor our parents even though
we cannot follow their counsel. In the next chapter, we will learn what
scripture has to say about situations like this.