This article is devoted to chronicling the rocky marriage of Abram
and Sarai, about whom there is more written in scripture than any other married
couple. For twenty-five years, their marriage experienced a difficult trial
that was, in part, orchestrated by God. However, while neither partner was
perfect, Abram in particular committed major failures that made the trial much more
difficult than it needed to be.
Abram’s Motivation
Abram was extremely spiritual-minded. He valued the
calling of God so much that he completely gave his life away in pursuit of it.
This is apparent for two reasons.
First, his calling was to father a nation (Genesis
12:2,7) that would not exist until long after he died. Hebrews 11:13 says that
Abram died without receiving the promises God had given him. He only saw them
and welcomed them from a distance.
Second, Abram spent decades wandering in the
wilderness and dwelling in tents in order to pursue this calling (Hebrews
11:9). He did not live in a physical city where he might have enjoyed his vast wealth
because he was pursuing a heavenly city (Hebrews 11:10). He left his home
country in pursuit of a heavenly country (Hebrews 11:15-16). He considered
himself a stranger and an exile on the earth, only passing through en route to
his true home (Hebrews 11:13). He waited and persevered until he was 100 years
old before he saw just the initial, partial fulfillment of his calling in a
single child.
Abram’s Failures as a Spiritual Leader
Abram’s esteem for spiritual things above temporal
things was noble, but it was also heavily tainted by self-preservation, and
perhaps selfish ambition. This wreaked havoc on his marriage and caused Sarai tremendous
pain.
In Genesis 12, when Abram journeyed to Egypt, he was
afraid the men would kill him and take Sarai because she was so beautiful, so
he told her to lie and say she was only his sister. He let this go so far that
the Pharaoh actually took Sarai into his home as his wife. Only a miraculous
intervention by God prevented the Pharaoh having relations with her.
Can you imagine how hurt and betrayed Sarai must have
felt? How alone and unprotected? Clearly, Abram did not value his wife as much
as his own life. Also, since this occurred shortly after Abram received God’s
promise to make his descendants into a great nation, Abram apparently did not
think Sarai was a vital part of this promise – a mistake he would repeat
multiple times.
Later in Genesis 16, Sarai said to Abram, “Now
behold, the Lord has prevented me from bearing children. Please go in to my
maid; perhaps I will obtain children through her.” Abram instinctively knew
this would be trying to fulfill God’s promise through his own striving rather
than trusting Him to fulfill it in His time. Even so, he listened to Sarai’s
suggestion. He slept with Hagar and she gave birth.
Afterward, even though the act was Sarai’s idea, she
still sensed that Abram had wronged her. He was the head. He could have reminded
her that God’s promises are trustworthy instead of succumbing to the fear and
impatience she felt in a moment of weakness. Now, not only had he again attempted
to circumvent Sarai’s role in God’s promise, but he also created the conditions
for jealousy and rivalry between her and her servant.
Sarai was at a breaking point. She said to Abram, “May
the wrong done me be upon you. I gave my maid into your arms, but when she saw
that she had conceived, I was despised in her sight. May the Lord judge between
you and me.” (Genesis 16:5) Sarai had had enough. Abram’s sins were painful
enough by themselves. But to make matters worse, her entire life was probably
very different from what she had envisioned. Let’s consider what she had been
through.
A 25-Year Marriage Trial
Abram had no doubt he was in the center of God’s will
for his life. The Lord appeared to him physically or in a vision at least 4
times over a 25-year period (Genesis 12:7, 14:18, 15:1, 15:17) and clearly
spoke to him on other occasions (Genesis 12:1, 13:14, 15:4). These experiences sustained
Abram and enabled him to sacrifice so much – his homeland, his friends and
family, everything familiar, and any hope of a normal and stable life as he
wandered about in the wilderness.
What did Sarai have to sustain her? Only Abraham’s
claims. That’s it. As far as we know, she received no visitations from the
Lord, no revelation about some great calling, and heard nothing from God about
leaving her home and family to start a new nation. All she had to go on was a
conviction from God to submit to her husband’s leadership (1 Peter 3:4-6). As
Abraham’s wife, Sarah was bound to make all the same sacrifices as him, but
with none of the encouragement. If we were to compare Abraham’s faith to walking
on water, then Sarah was walking on water while blindfolded.
I wonder if Sarai ever questioned or challenged Abram
during those 25 years. Why shouldn’t she? If this was really God, why didn’t He
show the same things to her so they could be in unity? As the years turned into
decades, Sarai became convinced that Abram’s promise from God had failed. All
hope of starting a family disappeared due to her barren womb and aging body,
which she expressed in Genesis 16:2, 18:12.
I imagine Sarai saying to herself:
“Look at
all I’ve given up because of my husband’s foolishness. My home, my family, my
country, my whole life – all because Abram claims to have this great calling
and these spectacular visions from God. Well, where is this promise? Where is
this new land? Where is this new nation we’re supposed to start? It’s been 25
years. Now I’m too old to have children and Abram still holds on to his dream.
Nothing will convince him otherwise.”
“God,
why is this happening to me? Why won’t
You show Abram his deception? He only
wants to serve You! Why don’t You save him from this obsession?”
Likewise, I imagine Abram saying to himself:
“For 25
years I’ve sought God with all my heart and given up everything to obey His
call. Why does my own wife challenge me every step of the way? It would be so
nice to have her trust and support. I always thought if I was obedient to God,
unity in my marriage would come naturally, but instead it’s been the opposite.
She thinks I’ve never heard from God at all, that this is all my own
initiative, that I’m deceived!”
“God, if
You wanted to give me this calling, why doesn’t my wife support me? Why don’t
You show her I’ve been obedient to Your voice?”
Sarai’s Great Faith-Test
What neither Abram nor Sarai realized was that Sarai
was being tested and prepared for her calling just as much as Abram. Only the
test God designed for her was very different than his. Her test was this:
Would she
trust God enough to submit to her husband even though she couldn’t be sure
whether he was hearing from the Lord?
Would she
trust God enough to submit to this man with such glaring character flaws and
disgusting failures only because she knew in her heart the Lord wanted her to?
This was the great trial that stared Sarai in the face
for 25 years. Having no confirmation her husband was really hearing from the
Lord, his claims looking more doubtful every year, this mission from God, as Abram
called it, was costing her dearly – costing her everything.
Abram Commission
In Genesis 17, around Abram’s 100th
birthday, God appeared to him. This was the moment Abram had been waiting for. It
was finally time to be commissioned and see the initial fulfillment of God’s
promise. To commemorate the occasion, God changed Abram’s name to Abraham,
which means “exalted father”.
In the Bible, name is sometimes synonymous with
nature. Thus, when God changes someone’s name, it symbolizes that their
nature has changed. (Other examples of this are Saul becoming Paul, Jacob
becoming Israel, and Cephas becoming Peter.) Abram’s nature had changed in the
wilderness. He was finally ready to father God’s nation.
God would not give Abram a responsibility he was not ready
to handle. So, He prepared him with a long season of waiting and character
growth. He even allowed the promise to appear to die so its fulfillment was totally
impossible. Then, He miraculously resurrected it so Abram could experience the
superiority of God’s word over natural circumstances, as we see in Romans 4:18-21:
“In hope
against hope he believed, so that he might become a father of many
nations… Without becoming weak in faith
he contemplated his own body, now as good as dead since he was about a hundred
years old, and the deadness of Sarah’s womb, yet with respect to the promise of
God, he did not waver in unbelief but grew strong in faith, giving glory to
God, and being fully assured that what God had promised, He was able also to
perform.”
Sarai’s Commission
Next, the Lord commissioned Sarai as well, saying in Genesis
17:15-16:
“As for
Sarai your wife, you shall not call her name Sarai, but Sarah [which means princess] shall be her name. I
will bless her, and indeed I will give you a son by her. Then I will bless her, and she shall be a
mother of nations; kings of people will come from her.”
God changed Sarai’s name to Sarah because her nature
had changed in the wilderness too. She became “a princess” and “a
mother of nations.”
How did Abram respond to this? By saying to God, “Oh
that Ishmael might live before You!” How incredible! With this reply, for
at least the third time, Abram again tried to circumvent Sarah’s role in the
promises of God. What great deception he had with regard to his marriage! He
was truly blind to his wife’s greatness and to her calling. Now the time had
come for God to open his eyes.
Abraham clearly did not understand the pain and
sacrifice Sarah had endured. Perhaps he resented her not having more trust in
him during their long journey. However, Sarah’s victory was not that she
trusted Abraham, but that she entrusted herself to God when she didn’t know
whether she could trust Abraham. In so doing, she became a great
champion in God’s eyes. She is the only wife mentioned in the “Hall of Faith”
in Hebrews 11. The apostle Peter called her a spiritual mother and a model to
wives in every generation since (1 Peter 3:4-6). The apostle Paul even called
her a symbol of the New Covenant (Galatians 4:24). Can you imagine any higher
honor?
Unity at Last
After Abraham and Sarah were commissioned, things
began to change in their marriage. Abraham’s next visitation from the Lord
included Sarah and she finally heard with her own ears the promise of the
miraculous birth of their son. Despite her initial laugher recorded in Genesis
18, she nevertheless responded to God’s word with faith, as we see in Hebrews
11:11:
“By
faith even Sarah herself received ability to conceive, even beyond the proper
time of life, since she considered Him faithful who had promised.”
Finally, after such a long and difficult marital
season, God granted Abraham and Sarah the marital unity they always longed
for.
Wouldn’t it have been easier for them if God spoke to
Sarai the same thing as Abram from the beginning? Of course it would have –
much easier! Both of them loved God and
sincerely wanted to obey him. He could have given them unity at any time, but
He didn’t do this for their sakes. This was their test. This was their preparation
for their callings. God taught Abraham to be content only with His approval,
even if all others, including his wife, doubted him. And He taught Sarah to
trust in Him even if she couldn’t trust her husband and even in the face of
hopeless circumstances.
A Final Failure
It would be nice if the story of Abraham and Sarah’s
marriage ended there. However, it would not be a faithful exploration of their
journey to leave out Abraham’s treachery in Genesis 20.
Incredibly, shortly after Abraham and Sarah were
commissioned, Abraham repeated his past sin of telling a foreign king Sarah was
only his sister. Once again, the king took Sarah as his wife and prepared to
consummate the relationship. Once again, God supernaturally intervened on her
behalf because Abraham failed to protect her. Once again, Abraham’s old
stronghold – self-preservation and the fear of death – prevented him from being
willing to lay down his life for Sarah.
How could Abraham do this? Think of all the
supernatural encounters he had experienced. Think of all he knew about the
callings of his wife, his future son, and himself. The very future of humanity
rested in the balance of his choices. How could he possibly allow this king to
take Sarah away from him? Why did he not trust God? It seems so unthinkable.
There is no excuse, but there is an explanation. To
understand why Abraham did this, we should first recognize that the promises he
received grew greater the longer he walked with God:
1) First, God said he would make Abraham a great nation
(Genesis 12:2).
2) Then, God said he would make Abraham the father of a multitude
of nations (Genesis 17:4).
3) Finally, God gave Abraham the greatest promise of all,
saying his seed will possess the gate of their enemies (Genesis 22:17). This
was a prophecy about the Second Coming of Christ, when the biological and spiritual
descendants of Abraham, with Jesus, retake dominion of the earth and send Satan
and his angels to hell (Matthew 16:18 , Revelation 20:2).
Next, we should recognize that Abraham was experientially
familiar with the power Satan has over mankind – the power of death (Hebrews
2:14). In Genesis 15:9-18, Abraham had a symbolic encounter with God which,
according to most theologians, foreshadowed the cross and its power to save human
beings from spiritual death. The experience terrified Abraham. Verse 12 says, “…terror
and great darkness fell upon him”. There is nothing more frightening in the
universe than being separated from God forever. Abraham tasted this first-hand.
Now let’s tie this all together. Abraham once again
lied about Sarah being his wife because he came under a heavy satanic attack of
fear. This was a last-ditch effort on Satan’s part to prevent the birth
of the child through whom all God’s promises – including the eventual defeat of
his own kingdom – would begin to be fulfilled. Abraham came under the full
brunt of terror that Satan could inflict and he buckled. He gave in to self-preservation
instead of standing up for his wife. This episode illustrates that there are
times when being the head of a marriage that is threatening to Satan’s kingdom requires
real courage.