If a husband represents Christ to his wife, how does a
wife represent God to her husband? When God was about to create Eve, He called
her Adam’s helper. This same word for Helper (ezer) is used to
describe God as our Helper in several passages such as Psalm 70:5 and Psalm
121:2.
The role of a helper is such an important
aspect of God’s nature that it is a primary title given to a member of the
Trinity. Jesus repeatedly called the Holy Spirit “Helper” in John 14-16
(NASB translation). The etymology of the Greek word used for the Holy Spirit in
this passage means called to one’s side, just as Eve was taken out of
Adam’s side. The Holy Spirit may provide the best model for how wives relate to
their husbands.
Sometimes God relates to us as a Master – He gives
specific commands and expects immediate obedience (e.g. Luke 17:10). However,
when God relates to us as a Helper, it is different. A Helper is the opposite
of an initiator. A Helper does not tell us what decision to make. Instead, He
gives counsel. He makes suggestions and offers support. He doesn’t step out in
front to lead; He comes alongside and encourages.
This is an incredible aspect of God’s nature. God is
infinitely wise, so He could easily tell us exactly what to do in every
situation. But instead He comes in humility and offers assistance. When we dig
our heels in and ignore the Holy Spirit’s help (as we all have), He does not
become resentful. He may be grieved, but He accepts our decision and does not
abandon us. He stays with us and works to bring about redemption. He still
tries to guide us into as much blessing as possible on the lesser, harder path
we chose. God’s ability to not hold a grudge over a bad decision, but continue
helping us in humility, is truly amazing.
My wife Jenny has modeled this to me many times. She
knew deep in her heart that some choices I made were not right. She
communicated it clearly and respectfully and I wouldn’t listen. Even though it
affected her deeply, and even though I did not recognize I had done anything
wrong for a long time, she did not become bitter. She continued to support me
and encourage me.
When the Holy Spirit speaks to our hearts, He is
gentle and reasonable, not pushy or demanding. Have you noticed that? Even when
He rebukes us or convicts us, we can feel that He loves us and wants what’s
best for us. Many times, when my wife has spoken to me about things I didn’t
want to hear, I had that same feeling. I knew the Holy Spirit was speaking
through her.
The helper ministry may be the most beautiful,
gentle, and humble way that God relates to people. And the Bible designates
this aspect of God’s nature for wives to emulate as the most effective way to
bless and guide their husbands.