Ephesians 5:25-27 says:
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church,
and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing
of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church,
not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and
without blemish.”
This passage suggests that husbands, in part, are
responsible for their wives’ spiritual growth. We will be accountable for their
condition when we stand before the Judgment Seat. The more we experience how
Christ relates to us, the more we will be able to mirror Him to our wives.
Consider some of the Lord’s attributes and how they apply to marriage:
He Initiates
1 John
4:10 says that God first loved us and sacrificed Himself for us. God is the
Initiator; our love is in response to His love. This is a picture of how
husbands and wives often relate. A man initiates relationship. A woman’s love
is often awakened in response to being loved and pursued.
His Motives Are Trustworthy
We don’t need to resent being subject to Christ’s
headship because we can trust His motives. He is selfless. Everything He does
is for our sake, not His. Likewise, when a wife knows her husband is more
concerned with her dreams, goals, and well-being than his own, it is much
easier to follow his lead.
He Listens
Prayer is our most vital connection with the Lord. It is
where we experience His attentive presence and compassion. It is where we
discover that He hears us and cares about what we are going through. He listens to our requests and He is truly
affected by them.
Likewise, when a husband listens attentively to His wife and
really cares about what she feels, this is the life of their marriage. It is
what enables her to flourish.
Both spouses at times need to share their burdens and
ask for support. However, it is common for wives to need this with greater
frequency than men. This is not inappropriate. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 11:3,
“But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the
man is the head of a woman…”
Because Christ covers the husband directly, he is more
responsible to work through some of his challenges privately, between him and
the Lord, when it is appropriate. Sometimes it is wise to shield his wife from
some of what he is carrying if sharing every detail would not be helpful or
productive.
However, because the husband covers the wife, he is
responsible to provide a safe place for her to honestly process through what
she is feeling. He acts as “a container” for her emotions so she is more able
to manage them – just as Christ does when we bring our burdens before Him.
He Speaks
When the Lord speaks, His words are
affirming, encouraging, and wise. They give life. He doesn’t shame us or
harshly condemns us. He helps us see ourselves or our situation from a
perspective of hope. When a husband speaks this way to his wife, it washes her
from the negative messages of the world. It breaks down her fear and returns
her focus to the goodness and faithfulness of God.
He Entrusts Responsibility
The Lord entrusts us with responsibility.
Imagine leading a family, or a business, or a ministry. How does Christ relate
to us in that position of leadership? He doesn’t expect perfection. He doesn’t
shame us for making mistakes or cancel our calling if we stumble. Nor does He
try to control everything. He lets us truly take ownership. He gives us space
and freedom to try different approaches. He is as involved as we want Him to
be. He waits to be asked for help. When we seek His help, He is patient, encouraging,
and helpful. He lets us know that He believes in us.
A wife needs this same kind of treatment
from her husband as she runs her home or manages other responsibilities in her
life. She needs to believe she can be successful and not live in fear of making
a mistake or being a disappointment. She needs to know her husband believes in
her and supports her.
He Intercedes and Protects
Romans 8:34 says that Jesus intercedes for
us. Many other passages, particularly in Psalms and Proverbs, say that He
stands watch over us and protects us from spiritual attack. He is constantly
intervening on our behalf when we are completely unaware.
Husbands have a similar role. No one’s
prayers on earth carry more authority in a life of a woman than her husband’s.
He is her covering. His prayers really do make a difference. Real, actual grace
from heaven is released and real, actual powers of hell are rebuked when a
husband decides to pray for his wife. Husbands have no idea how much she needs
this.