1 Peter 3 gives a specific strategy
for a specific kind of situation with a specific goal in mind.
This strategy is tailored according to how men are designed and motivated. The
first two verses state:
“In the same way,
you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may
be won without a word by the behavior of
their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.”
Situation: A husband is being disobedient to God.
Strategy: Chaste, respectful, submissive behavior
toward her husband.
Goal: The husband’s repentance.
Why is this strategy effective? Men
innately value respect, leadership, and hierarchy. In fact, many men would much
rather feel respected than loved. The ministry Love and Respect, led by
Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs, asked 7,000 people the question: “When you are
in conflict with your spouse or significant other, do you feel unloved or
disrespected?” 83% of the men said, “disrespected.” 72% of the women said, “unloved.”
When a man is treated with unconditional
respect by his wife, even when he doesn’t deserve it, it can awaken something
inside of him. It can remind him of his calling – to be a noble, sacrificial
leader.
When men are made responsible for other
men, they usually consider it a sacred charge. For example, if a man is made
the captain of a ship and the ship is sinking, he is the very last one to
disembark. He makes sure everyone else gets to safety first because that is his
duty. He doesn’t even have to be a particularly moral man. He considers it an
honor to be entrusted with a position of such authority and he acts
accordingly.
Likewise, when a woman treats her husband
as the captain of their family, it calls forth the best in him. He will still
make mistakes and act selfishly at times. However, he is more likely to feel
the weight of his position of leadership if his wife treats him as though he
really carries it. Her respect helps God
open his eyes to who he really is.
This does not mean she shouldn’t be honest
if she disapproves of his choices. Even on a military vessel, trusted
subordinates have permission to voice disagreement with the captain. Nor does
it mean she should not share how his choices are affecting her or their family.
However, it does mean she treats him respectfully in spite of her disapproval.
The Battle with Fear
Next,
verses 3-6 state:
“Your
adornment must not be merely external…, but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality
of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in
this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive
to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do
what is right without being frightened by any fear.”
These verses discuss the battle between faith and fear that a wife is likely to
experience while executing the strategy God gave in verses 1-2. There is
incredible vulnerability in treating someone with undeserved respect who has a
measure of authority over you. It is very easy to become fearful that nothing
will change and they will continue to mistreat or mislead you. A woman who
chooses to follow this strategy for changing her husband really has nothing to
hope in except God. She relinquishes all of her own tools and methods.
The passage encourages a wife to adorn
herself with a gentle and quiet spirit because at times she will be filled with
loud, fearful thoughts. Therefore, the only way to persevere in this strategy
is to somehow become quiet before the Lord so He can sustain her with His
peace. By the way, the posture of having a gentle and quiet spirit is equally
valid for men when battling against fear or anxiety.
Finally, the passage encourages wives to
emulate a woman from scripture, Sarah, who successfully executed this strategy
with her husband even though he committed serious sins against their marriage. Sarah continued to honor and respect Abraham even
though he twice allowed her to be taken into the harems of foreign kings and
repeatedly tried to circumvent her role in the promises of God for their family
line. She was an amazing overcomer and it is no wonder her example is captured
forever in several portions of scripture. We will discuss Sarah and Abraham
more in Chapter 14.
Closing
God’s kingdom works oppositely to how the
world and the flesh lead us. We humble ourselves to be exalted. We give to be entrusted with more. We serve to become leaders. We
bless when we are cursed. Along these same lines, wives treat disobedient husbands with chastity, respect, and submission in
order to change them.
The world and the flesh tell wives to
become forceful, fearful, controlling, or manipulative. God tells a wife to
respect her husband as the head of their marriage and pray that he feels the
burden of leadership God has placed on his shoulders. God tells a wife to share
her input with her husband honestly, gently, respectfully, and pray for God to
change his heart.