Becoming is
more important than doing. Inside the home is where a man becomes;
outside the home is where he does. A man’s home is where he is most
shaped into Christ’s image.
A man’s inside-the-home calling could be compared to a
foundation, while his outside-the-home calling could be compared to the
structure that is built on that foundation. The structure may look more
impressive from a distance, but it’s not the most important part. You can have
a foundation without a building, but you can never have a building without a
foundation. Eventually, it will collapse.
Marriage and Spiritual Fruit
One Christian author shared the response he gave when
a friend asked him whether he should get married or stay single and devote
himself to serving the Lord. He told the man, if you want to be free to serve
Christ, stay single. Marriage takes a lot of time. But if you want to become
like Christ, get married. Nothing is more powerful for shaping a man into
Christ’s image than marriage.
Becoming like Christ is not only superior to doing
things for Him, it is more fruitful in the long run. Jesus accomplished more in
3 short years of ministry than any person in human history. A person’s capacity
to produce eternal fruit increases exponentially with the maturity of his
Christlikeness. A person could perhaps accomplish more in one year with 50% of
Christ’s likeness than he could in 30 years with only 10% of His likeness. This
is one reason why God is never in a hurry to use us to produce fruit. He is
much more interested in us becoming like His Son. If we do this, the fruit will
take care of itself.
(I’m not actually asserting that someone can become
50% (or 10%) like Jesus in this lifetime. I only give these percentages to
illustrate the principle of how spiritual fruit is proportional to spiritual
maturity.)
A Wife is Her Husband’s Crown
Proverbs 12:4 says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her
husband.” A crown is a symbol of authority. In God’s kingdom, a man’s
authority to lead others comes, in large part, from how he fulfills his charge
as a husband. A thriving wife is the seal of his ability to rule. She is the evidence that he can lead in a
humble, loving way – the way Christ leads us.
After relating to the Lord 1-on-1, a man’s most
important ministry is to his wife. She is his first disciple. He is not really
qualified for this since he is not above her, spiritually. Therefore, the
largest part of his headship is really to model humility and dependence on the
Lord. When we lead from a place of dependence on the Lord, He gives us grace
for it.
God’s Blanket Statement Concerning
Marriage
God’s blanket statement concerning marriage since the
beginning of creation is Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for the man to be
alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Husbands and wives need
each other. God alone does fully satisfy us because He did not create us to be
satisfied only by Him. Even though Adam lived in God’s manifest presence and
talked with Him face to face, God still said he was “alone”. Without a
woman, he was incomplete. He could never become who he was called to become or
do what he was called to do.
A man desperately needs the influence of a woman in
his life. It is easy to feel godly and surrendered to the Lord when we are all
alone. However, when every decision must take into consideration someone with
completely different needs and desires, we begin to see how selfish and
immature we are. Then, when we must work together to serve totally dependent
children, we see our condition even more clearly.
Without a wife’s input, a man is far more vulnerable
to the enemy and the flesh. How many men have become imbalanced or deceived
either because they did not marry or because they did not let their wives speak
into their lives? They only had one part of God’s perspective of themselves,
their marriage, their children, their careers, or their ministries, because
they were unwilling to receive the rest of it from their wives.
When the disciples said it is better for a man not to
marry, Jesus replied in Matthew 19:11, “Not all men can accept this
statement, but only those to whom it has been given.” In other words, the
calling to remain single is given to certain individuals.
Similarly, Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:7, “Yet I
wish that all men were even as I myself am [referring to his singleness].
However, each man has his own gift from God…” Notice how Paul reaffirms
what Jesus said in Matthew 19:11 – marriage or singleness is based a man’s “own
gift from God”, or his calling.
A handful of passages in scripture indicate that
there is something special about the power of two people being in agreement.
Here are some examples:
“Two are better than one because they have a good
return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his
companion… if two lie down together they keep warm… And if one can overpower
him who is alone, two can resist him.” (Eccl 4:9-12)
“…if two of you agree on earth about anything that
they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven.” (Matt 18:19-20)
“How could one chase a thousand, and two put ten
thousand to flight…” (Deuteronomy
32:20)
Similarly, Mark 6:7 links Jesus sending his disciples
“out in pairs” and giving them “authority over unclean spirits.”
These passages highlight some of the advantages of
two equally yoked people partnering together. They comfort, protect, and rescue
each other. They multiply each other’s labor, prayers, and warfare. They keep
each other accountable, encouraged, and focused on the mission Jesus gave us.
There is no context to which this principle is more
applicable than marriage. This is why it is so deep in God’s heart for husbands
and wives to learn how to labor together in unity. His kingdom depends on it.
The power and light of His church rises and falls dramatically according the
oneness of its marriages.
Jesus Our Model
There is a sense in which Jesus modeled putting family
above ministry. Although He was called to singleness, Jesus did have a small
group of people who were like family to Him that He prioritized ahead of
everyone else. He even called them His family members (see Matthew 12:49).
Try to imagine yourself
in Jesus’s position. You are the most famous minister in your nation. Huge
crowds flocked to you continually. Everywhere you minister, countless people
are saved, healed, and delivered. The whole nation is being transformed because
of the revival you are leading.
Human logic suggested
Jesus should have fully devoted Himself to visible, “platform” ministry,
but this is not what He did. Instead, He regularly left the masses behind to
devote huge amounts of focused time to His disciples and the women who traveled
with them. This
is analogous to a man putting his wife and children ahead of his ministry.
Sometimes, doing
the humbler, small-picture thing ultimately bears more fruit than the outwardly
impressive, big-picture thing. A man’s wife and children are his first
disciples. Can a man really consider his ministry a success if he fails with
his first disciples?
If Jesus had only
ministered to the multitudes, much of the fruit of His ministry would have been
lost, since no one would have gotten close enough to Him to carry on His
legacy. In the same way, our greatest eternal fruit is borne out of our closest
relationships, not our most visible accomplishments.