How do headship and submission in marriage help men
and women become who they are called to be? In general, a man values respect
and success. He instinctively understands hierarchies (such as in
companies, ministries, or governments) and where he fits into them. He wants to
build something significant and rule over a domain. He wants to impact the
world around him.
However, he is called to do this with kindness and
selfless motives. When he builds an organization, his goal must be to serve
others, not exalt himself. When he rules over others, he must value the people
more than his position. Learning how to lead and cover a relational wife trains
him how to do this. It is how he forms God’s character and becomes who he was
created to be.
In general, a woman desires love and security.
She understands relationships and wants to feel close and connected to others.
She wants to be seen as valuable, beautiful, and worthy of being pursued.
However, she is also called to fill a position in God’s kingdom, both in this
age and in the next. God’s kingdom is built upon order and hierarchy. There
will always be things to build and accomplish and rule over. Learning how to
show respect for a husband and submit to his leadership trains her for this.
God thinks long-term in His dealings with us. This
70-to-80-year life is very short compared to eternity. This life is largely
about training and preparation for our eternity. God gave us headship and
submission in marriage because it was the best possible way to mold us into the
image-bearers we were intended to become.
Have you noticed in Ephesians 5 that husbands and
wives are both commanded to do the opposite of what comes naturally to
them? Respect comes naturally to men, but they are commanded to love (vs.
25). Love comes naturally to women, but they are commanded to show respect (vs.
33). This is part of how God transforms us. True obedience is not doing
something because it comes naturally, but because we want to please God.